Rising From The Ashes of Your Life
Randi Fine, Author
To quote Dr. Phil McGraw: “Sometimes in life you have to give yourself what you wish you could get from somebody else.”
The abuse you suffered was severe. Emotional abuse can be far more damaging than physical abuse. Unlike the cuts, bruises and broken bones of physical abuse, which are hard to deny, emotional abuse is an intangible concept; the healthy mind cannot wrap itself around the circumstances of emotional abuse.
You were preyed upon. Your abuser perversely violated you to satisfy his needs without the slightest consideration for yours. Your feelings were ignored. Your voice was silenced. Your soul was violated. You were robbed of your individuality.
Even more, no one cared about what you were going through or came to your rescue. The narcissist, forever the innocent, was seen as the victim; you, the truly innocent, was seen as the perpetrator. No matter how hard you tried to redeem yourself you could not.
Perhaps the abuse happened when you were an innocent child, as it often does. Or maybe your childhood experiences made you vulnerable to narcissistic predators in adulthood. Whatever the case, the balance of power in those relationships was not in your favor. You never had a chance.
There may have been times you felt so defeated you wanted to give up, but your survival instinct was too strong to allow that to happen. So you clung to the slightest glimmer of hope that things could change and you endured. And now here you are, angry, hurt and exhausted from the war you’ve been through.
I know how much it frustrates you that while you are left saddled with tremendous emotional, psychological and physical baggage, the narcissist seems to have freely moved on with his life. But the narcissist is never free. He lives his life as a parasite that can never be satiated or satisfied. His is a miserable existence—not one to be envied.
You have no doubt wondered where the justice in the victimization you endured is. The truth is that there is no justice. Nothing about narcissistic abuse is fair. No type of victimization is fair. But life is not fair either. You can either accept those facts of life or spend your precious future wallowing in a victim mentality.
If you you have fully educated yourself on all things NPD living in denial is not an option as it may have been in the past. You have reached a crossroad in your life where a decision has to be made. Who will reign victorious; you or your abuser?
You have the ability to heal. That gives you a tremendous advantage over your abuser. You can work through the problems of your past and come out stronger. And you can lead a happy, productive life.
Narcissists can never heal and will never be happy. They are loathsome, empty shells of human beings whose very survival depends on having others to feed off of. As long as they walk this earth they will remain trapped in the living hell they created for themselves. Theirs is a life sentence; yours is not. You can overcome this.
That is not to say that narcissistic abuse is easily overcome. It is not. The healing process is highly challenging. It takes time, support and patience. But speaking from experience, I can assure you that the results are well worth it. If you want to change your life you absolutely can.
I offer you my book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing and Recovery as a primary resource to guide you in that pursuit. The knowledge you gain by reading this book will greatly empower you. The more you learn about NPD the stronger you will be and the weaker your abuser will be. With this book, you are holding the narcissist’s kryptonite in your hands.
Think of yourself as a seed that has been lying dormant under the ashes of a forest fire, waiting for the right time to sprout new growth.
Timing is everything. It is not a random occurrence that you are searching for answers at this particular time in your life. You are experiencing the emergence of your inner spirit—the guiding light of your being that has been suppressed far too long.
It is very powerful. If it wasn’t, the narcissist would not have tried so hard to steal it from you. He wants what you have. The fact that you’ve endured the amount of suffering you have yet never given up is testament to your inner strength and resiliency.
I have great faith in your ability to rise from the ashes of your life.
Believe in yourself as I do. Love yourself and others who prove worthy of your love. Treat yourself with dignity. Be a priority in your life.
Take advantage of the many avenues of support that are available to help you navigate your healing process. Several are listed at the end of Close Encounters.
If ever you feel lonely on this journey, remind yourself of the thousands of brother and sister survivors you have all over the world, from all walks of life who also suffer from narcissistic abuse issues. These are people who can relate to your experiences and empathize with your pain.
You are a beautiful person worthy of love, kindness and respect; you deserve happiness, peace and security.
Don’t let the narcissist steal another second from you. As the saying goes, “Living well is the best revenge.”
My dearest survivor, I wish you an abundance of joy and serenity from this day forward. Be well always.
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