Written by Randi Fine, NPD Abuse Expert, Author of Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing and Recovery
To find out if your narcissistic parent has used triangulation to divide you and your siblings, please answer yes or no to the following twenty questions:
- Is there one sibling in your family who is your parent’s clear favorite?
- Is there one sibling in your family who can never seem to do anything right in your parent’s eyes?
- Is there conflict and/or distrust between you and your siblings?
- Does your parent tell you things in confidence and ask you not to share them with your siblings?
- Does you parent tell you that you are the only child he or she can confide in or trust?
- Does your parent talk negatively about your siblings to you?
- Do you compete with your siblings for your parent’s love?
- When confronted does your parent deny the things he or she has said to you in private?
- Does your parent create drama among the members of your family?
- Has your parent ever lied to you or manipulated you?
- Do you feel as if telling other people the truth about your parent’s behavior is a terrible betrayal?
- Does your parent “leak” information to you in confidence that you feel compelled to share with your siblings or others?
- Does your parent give you gifts or money and tell you not to say anything to your siblings?
- Is your parent jealous of the relationship you have with your siblings or your other parent?
- If you try to distance yourself from your parent do your siblings make you feel guilty about it?
- Does your parent only seem to like one of their children at a time?
- If you displease your parent will he or she deliberately show favoritism to another one of your siblings?
- Does your parent blame one child in the family for causing all the problems?
- Have you ever compared information your parent told you with each of your siblings, and found that all the stories were different or that information was added or subtracted?
- Does it hurt you to see your siblings abused by your parent but can’t intervene because then you would be abused as well?
If you answered yes to five or more questions, it is highly likely that you and your siblings are victims of Narcissistic Triangulation by your parent. Identifying the problem is the first step in healing the relationships between you and your siblings.