Taking Your Power Back From Your Narcissistic Abuser
Written by Randi Fine
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine
The idea of taking your power back from your narcissistic abuser may frighten, intimidate, and overwhelm you, but it is not as difficult or as complicated a feat as it might seem.
Loss of personal power keeps you fearful of the narcissist harassing you, re-entering your life, taking you to or back to court, and/or smearing your name. It causes you to fear life in general; feel as if something dark and dangerous is always looming that can turn your life upside down at any time. And it allows the narcissist, whether in your life or not, to continue commanding your thoughts and influencing your actions.
Narcissists have no personal power of their own. They must steal it from victims and hostages through mind control, deception, and intimidation.
Their lack of empathy for others allows them to stoop to whatever level is necessary to get what they want. Unable to understand their bizarre way of thinking and accept that they only want to hurt us, we feel powerless over the devastating things they do to us.
We are powerless to change them, powerless to negotiate and compromise with them, powerless to win an argument, and powerless to outfox and outmaneuver them. Which is why we must take a different approach.
Our power must come from within through self-love, self-respect, personal boundaries, and self-validation. Amidst the ongoing barrage of external violations we are subject to, our personal power comes from loving who we are, feeling good about who we are, treating ourselves well, and believing in ourselves.
In taking your power back from your narcissistic abuser, accept that the person will never apologize, validate your experience, or respect you. Understand that his or her behavior has nothing to do with you. Though it feels personal, it is not. It is just the nature of the disorder.
Challenge the limiting beliefs that have been programmed into your subconscious mind to steal your power. Replace them with positive dialogue and affirmations. The faster your inner dialogue changes the better you will feel about yourself.
Don’t spend years demanding justice and equity. Narcissists will stoop to any level to win. You cannot beat them at their game. If you get out with your sanity you have won.
Fear comes from powerlessness. What you fear may or may not happen. If or when it does it may not be what you imagined. And by then you will have regained your personal power and will be equipped to deal with the situation.
Most importantly, in taking your power back from your narcissistic abuser you must strive to heal yourself completely and claim yourself as the lovable, worthy, valuable, and intelligent individual you are. If you need help accomplishing that don’t be afraid to seek it out.
Randi Fine is the author of the groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing, the most comprehensive, most well researched, and most up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.