Stop Tolerating Toxic Behavior
Written by Randi Fine
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine
“There is no virtue in the tolerance of toxic behavior.” ~Dr. Phil McGraw
Do you want to stop tolerating toxic behavior from narcissists and other people in your life, but are unsure how to break the pattern you are stuck in? If so, you are not alone.
Narcissistic abuse victims often tell me that they cannot understand how someone could treat them, such kind, understanding, accepting, and generous people, so badly. My answer is a simple one. Those with narcissistic personality disorder never target people who are unkind, disagreeable, intolerant and selfish. Why would they? There is no supply there.
Being kind, understanding, loyal, accepting, and generous are wonderful virtues to have. Those qualities make you the special person you are. Just understand that those virtues can become detrimental to your happiness when offered to those who wish to exploit, use, and abuse you. You must learn to be discriminatory.
It would be wonderful to live in a world where everyone has goodness within them; where everyone has redeemable qualities. Unfortunately that is not the nature of the world we live in. There are millions of people walking this earth who, for whatever reason, do not possess the emotional response of affective empathy, and who exhibit predatory behavior. These people are masters of disguise. For the sake of survival they must adapt and blend in.
Imagine what it would be like to study human behavior every moment of every day for decades. The only possible outcome would be mastery. That is what makes the behavior of one with narcissistic personality disorder so difficult to recognize, and once recognized so difficult to come to terms with. They have mastered the affect of human behavior to the degree of flawlessness. Rational minds are virtually blind to the camouflage.
Rational thinking is useless when dealing with these people. What we see with our eyes or hear with our ears is not indicative of what is true or real. Kindness and understanding shown towards them is misconstrued, obscured, and used against us. Virtuous behavior is seen as vulnerability and weakness.
Virtue is a beautiful thing. We should all be kind, loving, and generous—but wise. If we want to stop tolerating toxic behavior we must require more than we have in the past from people who enter our lives. We should never trust words or doubt patterns, and always question actions. Narcissists will show and tell you exactly who they are; what their motives are. Believe them when they do. Trust your intuition. It is never wrong.
Randi Fine is the author of the groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing, the most comprehensive, most well researched, and most up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.