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Why Being Too Nice Can Actually Harm Your Health
The Surprising Truth Uncovered
Written by Narcissistic Abuse Expert and Recovery Coach Randi Fine
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine
In a world that often promotes kindness and empathy as virtues to aspire to, have you ever considered the potential dangers of being too nice? Renowned physician and author, Gabor Maté, sheds light on this often overlooked aspect of personality traits. Let's delve into the complexities and repercussions of excessive niceness and explore why being too nice can actually harm your health.
The Allure of Kindness
Being kind, compassionate, and accommodating are qualities that society applauds. They are seen as signals of warmth and understanding, fostering harmonious relationships and positive interactions. Yet, Gabor Maté challenges us to look beyond the surface and consider the deeper implications of consistently prioritizing others' needs over our own.
The Cost of People-Pleasing
Maté warns that excessive niceness can lead to a pattern of people-pleasing behavior, where individuals suppress their own desires and boundaries to avoid conflict or disapproval. This self-sacrificial tendency can culminate in emotional exhaustion, resentment, and a loss of self-identity. The desire to be liked by everyone can morph into a relentless pursuit that erodes one's authenticity and autonomy.
Boundaries and Self-Preservation
Establishing and enforcing boundaries is crucial for mental and emotional well-being. Maté emphasizes that individuals who are excessively nice often struggle to set boundaries, thereby leaving themselves vulnerable to exploitation and manipulation. By prioritizing others' comfort at the expense of their own, they risk compromising their mental health and sense of self-worth.
Authenticity vs. Approval
The quest for external validation through acts of excessive niceness can obscure one's true self and foster a reliance on others' approval for self-worth. Maté encourages individuals to embrace their authentic selves, even if it means risking disapproval or conflict. True confidence and inner peace stem from self-acceptance, rather than seeking validation from external sources.
Unraveling the Mystery of ALS and Kindness
There is other evidence that being excessively nice could have other unexpected consequences. Brace yourself for Mayo Clinic's recent shocking revelation - only nice people develop Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS). Yes, you read that right! Could our kindness be linked to this debilitating condition?
ALS, often referred to as Lou Gehrig's disease, is a progressive neurodegenerative disorder that affects nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord. This condition leads to a loss of muscle control and can have a significant impact on a person's physical abilities. Despite the challenges that come with living with ALS, there is a peculiar observation that individuals diagnosed with this condition often exhibit remarkable levels of kindness and compassion towards others.
In a study involving hundreds of ALS patients, Mayo Clinic discovered a common trait among them - they were exceptionally nice individuals. Kind-hearted, generous, and always willing to lend a helping hand - these were the defining characteristics of those battling ALS. The research team was baffled by this pattern, prompting them to delve deeper into the correlation between niceness and the development of ALS.
Gabor Maté has caught the attention of many by bringing this and other studies to light. Maté proposes that people who develop ALS may possess specific psychological characteristics, such as a deep sense of empathy and a strong desire to help and support others.
On a Personal Note
I believe, though I have no proof, that this is precisely what happened to my precious sister who passed away from ALS on May 11, 2021 at the age of 68. It is estimated that 5 to 10 percent of ALS is genetic. As far as I can tell, there is no record of anyone in our family history developing ALS. She was, however, excessively nice.
My sister was as health conscious as one could possibly be. She ate organic fruits and vegetables, was gluten free and dairy free, and consumed only free-range chickens and grass-fed beef. She filtered the air that she breathed, the water she bathed in, and the water she drank. She ingested nothing from plastic containers. She was musically gifted, active, energetic, and loved to exercise.
While she diligently nurtured her physical health, her mental health was neglected and denied. The angst of her tortured inner child from years of maternal narcissistic abuse remained hidden for years around the innumerable friends she developed in her community. She was embraced by many as a loving, true friend; devoted, upbeat, lively, generous and helpful to all. She gave of herself to the point of exhaustion. Her deep pain was only unleashed occasionally, with various levels provocation, and mostly with those who knew her intimately.
Striking a Balance
While kindness and empathy are essential components of healthy relationships, it is equally important to cultivate self-respect and assertiveness. Maté's insights urge us to strike a balance between compassion for others and self-care, recognizing that true harmony arises from mutual respect and understanding of both our needs and the needs of those around us.
In Conclusion
By becoming aware of the pitfalls of excessive niceness, individuals can empower themselves to make conscious choices that honor their well-being and authenticity. Embracing one's boundaries and asserting their needs not only fosters healthier relationships but also sets a positive example for others to prioritize self-care and personal integrity.
Gabor Maté's exploration of the dangers of excessive niceness invites us to reflect on the ways in which we navigate relationships and self-expression. By embracing authenticity, setting boundaries, and valuing self-respect, individuals can lead more fulfilling and empowered lives, enriched by genuine connections built on mutual understanding and compassion. Remember, kindness begins with oneself.
Let's strive for a world where kindness is balanced with self-preservation, where empathy coexists with assertiveness, and where compassion extends not only outward but inward as well.
In a world that champions kindness, is there such a thing as being too nice? Gabor Maté's insights offer a thought-provoking perspective on the delicate balance between empathy and self-preservation. As we navigate the complexities of human interaction, let us honor the importance of authenticity and self-care in cultivating meaningful connections.
Randi Fine is an internationally renowned narcissistic abuse expert and recovery coach, and the author of the groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing and Recovery Second Edition, the most comprehensive, well-researched, and up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of the official companion workbook Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: A Comprehensive Workbook for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse. Randi Fine is the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.
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