The Narcissist's Playbook
A Guide To The Most Unoriginal Creatures On The Planet
Written by Narcissistic Abuse Expert and Recovery Coach Randi Fine
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine
Over the many years that I've been engaged in the field of professional narcissistic abuse recovery, I have discovered something remarkable. Pathological narcissists far and wide seem to be operating from the same playbook. I don't know who wrote it, when it was written, or where a copy could be obtained, but it must exist, because evidence shows time and time again that narcissists are the most unoriginal beings on the planet. They all do the same things and behave the same way.
Narcissists may appear human, may even act human, but they have more in common with undomesticated animals, reptiles, and insects than they do humankind. Like creatures of the wild, they live their lives in survival mode; predators with no empathy on a perpetual hunt for vulnerable prey. As is true with a lion on the prowl, the execution of victim capturing may vary in detail, but the method of devouring the prey is always the same.
The survivors' stories told to me are outrageous; believable only by those who have experienced the like. Survivors justifiably believe their experience is unique and that their abusers are more deviant than most. The word "malignant" is often used to preface the word "narcissist" because narcissism alone doesn't seem to adequately describe the horror they've experienced.
Any experience had as a victim of narcissistic abuse is truly horrific. And while malignant narcissism does exist, it is rarely applicable to the average situation. Narcissists destroy their targets through devious mind games and diabolical subconscious reprogramming. Malignant narcissists maim and murder. It doesn't get any worse than that. Victims of malignant narcissists rarely survive to re-tell their horror-story.
The patterns of narcissistic abuse, whether parental, spousal, romantic, friend-related, work-related, or otherwise are so predictable. I know the gist of everyone's story before they share it with me, but because they desperately need to be heard, validated, and supported, often for the first time, I patiently listen to every client as they share their personal stories in detail with me. My professional role is to provide a customized road map for their recovery.
As horrendous and outrageous the stories I hear are, and as brilliant and powerful abuse victims perceive their abusers to be, they are all versions of the same playbook.
Narcissists are brilliant in the sense that they can calculate a complex campaign of abuse stretching out days, weeks, months, and years in the blink of an eye. They are powerful in their ability to intimidate and control, though that power is only effective with those who have not learned their playbook or with those who are under their spell. Once the veil is lifted and they are exposed for who they are, they become powerless. It doesn't seem that way, because losing control over an emotional hostage incites a merciless vengeance that knows no bounds. There are no depths to which a vengeful narcissist will not stoop. But the pattern of vengeance seemingly follows a playbook as well. Again, largely unoriginal.
Narcissists are the most dangerous creatures walking the planet. They seek to destroy every life they intimately touch. Survivors of this abuse have much to overcome in returning their upside-down reality back to a healthy functioning one. The good news is, given the proper support and guidance, full recovery is possible.
It may seem as if narcissists move on in life with nary a scratch while survivors are left to pick up the shattered remains of their nearly decimated lives. But like every other aspect of narcissistic abuse, that perception is illusory. Narcissists exist in a tormented, perpetual purgatory of their own doing from which they can never escape. Survivors can fully heal, become even better versions of themselves, and move on to live happy lives.
The power transfers once survivors gain access to the narcissist's playbook. The playbook is elementary; anyone can learn it. The most difficult aspect of this education, one that feels unnatural to tenderhearted survivors, is the development of the shrewd, discerning character required to take their personal-power back. Once done the rest is child's play.
Randi Fine is an internationally renowned narcissistic abuse expert and coach, and the author of the groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing and Recovery Second Edition, the most comprehensive, most well-researched, and most up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of the official companion workbook Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: A Comprehensive Workbook for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse. Randi Fine is the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.
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