Can Your Children Be Honest With You: Establishing Open Communication and Trust

Can Your Children Be Honest With You

Establishing Open Communication and Trust

Written by Narcissistic Abuse Expert and Recovery Coach Randi Fine

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine

Do you and your children have open communication and trust? Can your children be honest with you without the threat of receiving a negative reaction from you?

In the realm of parenting, one of the most vital components is establishing open communication and trust with our children. The cornerstone of honesty between parents and children is rooted in clear and open communication. When we create a safe space where our children feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, feelings, and experiences, we pave the way for honesty to thrive.

"Empathy is key in building trust,"  explains child psychologist Dr. Smith. By actively listening to our children without judgment and showing understanding, we foster an atmosphere where they feel valued and heard.

Children go through phases, particularly during their adolescent years, when they see no logical or justifiable reason to communicate with their parents for any reason other than to have their most basic needs or their material desires met. After spending ten or so years as the apple of their child’s eye, parents are suddenly seen as the “lamest” people on the planet.

Adolescence, the period of children's life when they are most vulnerable to outside influences, is rightfully a scary time for parents. Children of this age become the target of many negative influences while at the same time experiencing hormones that are raging out of control. The only influence that they seemingly become deafened to is that of their parents.

From the moment of birth we begin a gradual process of separation from those we are dependent upon. That is how children emotionally mature into adults. This process becomes starkly obvious and seemingly accelerates during the adolescent years, a time when children are mortified at the thought of being seen in public with their parents and spare no feelings when telling them so. But parents should not be fooled by their children’s rejection and rudeness. Children expect the support, guidance, structure, and influence of their parents to remain constant.

Keeping children as safe as humanly possible, especially during adolescence, requires knowing what they are doing, what they are thinking, and who they are associating with. Communication, though difficult at times, is the key.

Tips for Effective Communication

• Active Listening : Give your full attention when your child speaks, making eye contact and showing genuine interest in what they have to say.

• Encouragement : Support your child's communication efforts by providing positive reinforcement and encouragement, no matter how big or small their revelations may be.

• Open-Ended Questions : Instead of closed-ended questions that prompt one-word answers, ask open-ended questions that encourage your child to express themselves more fully.

Very little is certain when parenting, but one thing is for sure. If we want to have open communication and trust with our children we must monitor our reactions to what they do and say. No matter how shocked or upset we feel we must always present a calm, non-judgmental front.

If your children have done something wrong they need to be held accountable. When discipline is required it should be given in a way that is reasonable and fair. Children should always know that you are parenting and disciplining from a place of love, and one that is always in their best interest.

As parents, it's essential to create opportunities for honesty to flourish in our everyday interactions with our children. "Small moments matter,"  stresses family therapist Sarah Jones. Encouraging honesty doesn't always entail big talks but can be as simple as celebrating the truth in moments of honesty, no matter how mundane.

Practical Ways to Encourage Honesty

• Praise Honesty : Acknowledge and praise your child when they are honest, reinforcing the value of truthfulness in your family.

• Model Honesty : Be a role model for honesty by owning up to your mistakes and demonstrating the importance of truthfulness in your actions.

• Addressing Mistakes : When your child makes a mistake or is less than truthful, respond with understanding and use it as a teachable moment to reinforce the importance of honesty.

Children best absorb the lessons we wish to teach them when they can relate to us. The most effective parents are ones who are real, who do not profess to be perfect. Do not hesitate to share the mistakes of your past as it relates to issues your children are experiencing.

So, can your children be honest? With the right combination of communication, trust, and encouragement, the answer is a resounding YES .

Randi Fine is an internationally renowned narcissistic abuse expert and recovery coach, and the author of the groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing and Recovery Second Edition, the most comprehensive, well-researched, and up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of the official companion workbook Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: A Comprehensive Workbook for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse. Randi Fine is the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.