Twenty Questions Determine If You Have an Enabling Parent

1. Did you grow up in a two parent home with one parent significantly more domineering than the other?
2. Was one of your parents verbally abusive to the other parent and the other parent put up with it?
3. Did your more passive parent put your abusive parent “on a pedestal,” or idolize him or her?”
4. Did your more passive parent defend the abusive actions of the other parent?
5. Did your more passive parent’s emotional and physical survival depend on his or her relationship with your more domineering parent?
6. Did your parents argue all the time, your more domineering parent ragefully?
7. Did you feel as if your parents were unusually enmeshed in each other’s lives?
8. If your family was in a boat that was sinking, do you believe that your more passive parent would save his or her abusive spouse before saving the children?
9. Did your more passive parent always lose the argument when he or she fought with your abusive parent?
10. Did you feel as if you had no parent to advocate for you or your siblings?
11. Was your more abusive parent jealous of your more passive parent’s attempts at having a relationship with any of his or her children?
12. Did your more domineering parent bad mouth your other parent to you and/or your siblings?
13. Did you always wish your more passive parent would stand up for his/her self against the abuse from your other parent?
14. Do you have problems or issues with the concept of healthy love in adult relationships?
15. Do you believe that chaos and drama is a normal part of romantic adult relationships?
16. Do you believe that love is supposed to be painful?
17. Did your parents present a picture perfect relationship to the outside world but a dysfunctional one behind closed doors?
18. Did your abusive parent bully your passive parent into doing his or her dirty work, such as doling out punishment for things he/she never witnessed?
19. Did your passive parent always believe what your abusive parent said; even when the children said the abusive parent was lying?
20. Do you despise weakness in a romantic partner?

If you answered yes to five or more questions, it is highly likely your parents have/had a Narcissist/Enabler relationship. Once identified it is best for you to work on this issue in your personal life. The patterns of parenting and dynamics of a love relationships were improperly modeled for you in childhood and may be negatively impacting your romantic adult relationships.