Cliffedge Road: A Memoir
Written by Randi Fine, Narcissistic Abuse Expert
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine
I believe that there are divine reasons for the pregnant pauses in
our lives; the times when our life seems to come to a screeching
halt and we are rendered powerless over it. Those are the times
we should pay extra close attention to, for those junctures may be the
most profound times in our lives. Though painful, those intervals
cause us to sit quietly and come face to face with our true selves.
They provide tremendous opportunities for our personal growth.
Despair is a lonely, desolate place we have all visited at some
point in our lives. While in its depths, it seems to take an immense
amount of courage to reach for rose-colored glasses and put them on.
I spent the first thirty years of my life as a pleaser, yielding
to everyone else’s expectations of me. Convinced that it was
inconsiderate to ever put myself first, I continually dismissed
my own needs. Having never developed a healthy self-esteem, I
based my identity entirely on the ever-changing opinions of others
and my interpretation of their reactions to me. My boundaries
were undefined; I wavered between unfiltered vulnerability and
impenetrable emotional walls. Those were very tumultuous and
depressing years for me.
According to research conducted by professionals in the field of
psychology, there are common threads that have been traced back
to the childhoods of many adults who suffer from co-dependency.
Many had been “pleaser” children who had been conditioned
from a young age to believe that they were only good or valuable
when compliant with their parents’ wishes. Often, those wishes were
illogical and confusing.
As children, they felt unduly responsible for their parents’ needs
and happiness. Healthy emotional boundaries between their parents
and themselves were never properly established. They often suffered
from depression and/or anxiety in their adolescences, conditions that
continued to trouble them well into adulthood.
The codependent syndrome develops over a long period of time.
Those who suffer from codependency in their adulthoods have often
had erroneously difficult adolescences. But they are largely unaware
of their tendencies until their condition impedes their ability to form
healthy, stable adult relationships.
I am grateful to say that although I suffered from that confusion
for the first thirty years of my life, today, at sixty-one years of age, my
life does not resemble that portrayal in any way. But remembering
where I came from keeps me humble.
It is my sincere hope that as you peruse the pages of my book you
will find my story touching, inspirational, and most importantly, an
impetus for healing.
Randi Fine is the author of the groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing, the most comprehensive, most well researched, and most up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.