Challenges of Healing After Narcissistic Abuse
Written by Randi Fine
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine
The challenges of healing after narcissistic abuse are among the most tormenting struggles any person could ever have to face. Narcissistic abuse is confusing, senseless, unfair, and inhumane. It uproots our lives in the most agonizing possible way.
While we are left saddled with guilt, depression, fear, anxiety, and hopelessness, it seems our abusers go on with their lives without a care in the world. That feels so unfair. We want them to suffer for what they have done to us. Many survivors wish their abuser would just drop dead. That is understandable.
Though it appears they are enjoying their lives, it is nothing but a facade; they are actors. Narcissists cannot change who they are. They don’t experience happiness or love; they just live the monotonous, spiritless life of parasites, forever searching for hosts to feed on.
You are not stuck in a personal nightmare the way your abuser is. You can heal, change your life and create your own dreams.
The challenge of narcissistic abuse was put before you in the most obvious way. As a result of the abuse you suffered,all the issues you must personally deal with in order to live your best life have floated up to the surface; every one so acute you cannot look away or deny them. That is a gift. This is not happening to you, it is happening for you.
By contrast, many people go through life never experiencing challenges that reveal their undeniable issues. One issue piles upon the next, but nothing ever feels so overwhelming that they have to stop, drop to their knees, and address it. That’s unfortunate. Unaware of the toxic emotions that fester inside them, they obliviously move through life until a health crisis arises.
For the narcissistically abused, complete healing is critical. Every issue that has been exposed to you as a result of the abuse you suffered must be fully addressed and resolved. If they are not you may have periods, maybe years of feeling great, but something will eventually surface and send you back to your original state of suffering.
The challenges of healing after narcissistic abuse may seem insurmountable. It may seem as if you will never make it to the top of the mountain or climb over it. But you can and you will. When you clear up all the hurdles and issues that are blocking you, life will be amazing.
Life is about learning; it is a school. From our first breath out of the womb we are learning, growing, and figuring out our place in the world. To do this we must continually put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. Set-backs will happen but the tools we develop through our healing process will make them easier to overcome.
One of the challenges of healing after narcissistic abuse is learning to accept the experience you had without reasoning, external validation, or judgment. The other is allowing yourself to feel the pain to the depths that you have it.
You will feel lonely and isolated during the healing process and you will experience the complete grieving process over the death of your dreams. Your dreams will die, but you will be able to build new dreams, different dreams, dreams based on your personal power and your ability to attain those goals.
From this day forward, vow that you will do whatever it takes to move forward in your life. When you free yourself there will be no limit to what you can do. You will be able to function as a whole, healthy person in this world. Your energy will flow and you will be happy.
Randi Fine is the author of the groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing, the most comprehensive, most well researched, and most up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.