Are You Living In The Past, Present or Future
Interviewed and Written by Randi Fine
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine
Randi: We are talking about the three rooms. What do the three rooms represent?
Kevin: The premise of the book is that our experience of life is not based on what we do or what we have. It’s based on what we think, and our thoughts can only be in one of three places – they can be in the past or the past room, they can be in the future or the future room, or they can be in the present or the present room. And whichever room your thoughts are in determines your experience of life in that moment; because of course our thoughts can go back and forth. So the key is to know which room your thoughts are in. And in order to know which room your thoughts are in you need to observe your thoughts. And it is that active observation that separates your awareness from your thoughts. So now you are connecting with that awareness and that awareness is the divine consciousness that all the mystics have talked about; the Christ consciousness, the Buddha consciousness. And from a more scientific perspective, the Quantum Field, if you will-this unified field of energy. That awareness or that consciousness is where we want to go. And so thinking about what you are thinking about which they describe as meta-cognition that’s really the key and the three rooms is designed to provide a simple guidepost to saying, okay my thoughts are in one of these three places. As long as I know which room my thoughts are in I’m already connected to that awareness or that consciousness I want to be grounded in.
Randi: We hear a lot about staying in the present moment, and I think for a lot of people that is difficult to do. We don’t really understand what that means or how to do it, and of course keep floating backwards and forwards and spend very little time in the Present Room. This book was spiritually gifted to you–right?
Kevin: While I started writing this I had spent thirty-three years in the corporate world at the same firm and didn’t expect to write this book. I started getting premonitions that I was going to write a book and I kept getting this image of three doors; one was labeled the past, one was labeled the present, and one was labeled the future and I was trying to figure it out and as I started writing down things and I kept describing what was behind each door and so the three doors became the three rooms. And so eventually I was writing commuting to work, on the way home, on trains, over the weekend and I just kept adding and adding to it and once it was all compiled and done that’s when I thought okay, let me step away – I think I am supposed to publish this. And I just kept getting the premonition now you’ve written the book now try to start living it and it certainly brought some peace and tranquility into my life.
Randi:: How hard was it for you to adjust to these principles?
Kevin: I think it is a little bit different for everybody. I went through some major challenges in my life having been divorced at a young age and having young kids and not being able to see them all the time. And you know, I had it out with the guy upstairs; call it God or whoever that was I stood on my bed and cursed him out one night. And so I went through those nights of the soul and then I went on this spiritual journey while I was still at work and so it took a long time. It’s not something that you can just click on and say, “Oh—well, now I see everything differently.” And I don’t pretend that things are easy, I think that the concept of the three rooms is simple but implementing it is not easy and there is a difference between those. And why I say it is not easy is because it takes focus and it takes determination that you want to change your life, and most importantly that you want to feel better. And you just want to feel good every day.
Randi: And is that what happened with you once you were able to grasp this and put it into your life?
Kevin: I can say that I’m at a point where things have worked out extremely well in my life I’m very fortunate for a lot of things and I’m very grateful and I think that gratitude keeps feeding more and more good things and so as more and more good things come in and you’re grateful those good things that’s where it just creates more good things and it creates a kind of an expectation that you’re expecting good things to happen and it becomes something where you don’t want to let that go so as negative things come in or people say this or things that are happening in this whole physical world the 3-D world that we’re looking at as things keep coming up. It’s not that things don’t keep coming up but it’s how you perceive them and how you look at them that they no longer have the same effect. They no longer have the same effect on me and I think that’s a lot of people. It’s not just me I just surround myself with people with positive energy. My wife and I, if we have dinner with somebody we want to have dinner with people that have positive energy. They’re not sitting there complaining about their lives all day long and that’s not to say that we won’t be empathetic towards them and we will but people who are just stuck in the mode of constantly seeing challenges and being stuck into the wrong room if you will it’s easy to get dragged into the past room or the future room. And so I think it’s that ability to stay in the present room which is simply monitoring how you feel and knowing that this is the positive energy I want to feel and I’m not going to let anything change it.
Randi: So what kind of emotions would we have when we are in the past room?
Kevin: I think we really need to take step back and say for the three rooms, we’re talking about emotions and feelings. They get blurred a lot. People blend them together all the time. So if we are thinking about our thoughts and where our thoughts go – the thoughts have to be tied to an emotion and that creates a feeling state. So we have all these different feelings and we think where all these feelings come from so we have thoughts and the thought plus the emotion creates the feeling state and that’s really like a belief. What is a belief? A belief is a combination of your thoughts and emotions. So when you think about your thoughts, every thought you have, and we have something like 60 or70,000 thoughts a day, every thought is coupled with an emotion we can make it really simple. We can say there are just two emotions There’s just love or fear And you say, well there’s more than that, but really it’s the same as light and darkness and there’s really only light. And if someone says well no of course there’s darkness – you say well there’s really not darkness. There is either light or the absence of light and we call that darkness. But if you walk into a dark room and you have light the darkness disappears, it doesn’t exist. And the same with love in our life If we have love in our life fear cannot coexist with love so if we look at our life, observe our life where our thoughts our through this lens of love, then everything changes. Whatever thoughts we have combined with the emotions of love generates positive feelings. Positive feelings states like joy, bliss, appreciation, compassion, empathy, things like this. But when you turn around and you start to mix your thoughts with fear then you get all different types of derivatives of fear. Just like the Now in the past room it generates feelings such as anger, or guilt or resentment or shame or blame, thinking about it is reminding you of something you didn’t like. But all those feelings are derivatives are fear. Just like in the future room, if you are thinking about something in the future but you are thinking about it through the lens of fear that thought plus that emotion of fear creates feeling states that are negative feeling states like stress, anxiety. And so people say,” I don’t want to feel those ways.” And we can talk about how you get stuck in those rooms both from a spiritual and from a scientific standpoint; from a biology standpoint. But it’s knowing how you feel. And think about it this way. If someone gave you a pair of glasses and they say, here, you put on these glasses. I put on one pair of glasses, you put on another pair of glasses, and my pair glasses is a lens through which I’m observing my life and it’s a lens of love. So through these glasses everything looks great. I just feel love no matter what. My life doesn’t change. I still may be going through some health issues, financial issues, everything, but I’m looking at everything through the lens of love. Whatever I do during that day, it’s generating feelings that are derivatives of love. So I’m still appreciative of the little things. And we know those kinds of people; we see them, the housewife, or the house cleaner let’s say from Ecuador who works 12 hours a day and doesn’t have much money but she’s always so happy. And people say, why is she so happy? She is looking through the lens of love. She is seeing her life through a specific love through that emotion, and every thought coupled with that emotion generates that derivative of love. And now you have different glasses and those are the lens of fear. So no matter what’s going on in your life, and it could something great, all these good things are happening and you are living in this beautiful house, you have a great spouse and all these things, but you are looking through the lens of fear. Everything, all your thoughts are mixed with fear and now it’s generating all these thoughts of either stress, anxiety, you know like we talked about, or anger or guilt. And we see that all the time. We see t people have so much and they seem so miserable and they’re always so angry and why; because they are looking through the wrong lens. So think of the lens of which you observe this movie of your life. Think of it as “there’s only two lenses” which there are. There are really only two emotions that we can have, love or fear, and every one of those emotions coupled with a thought produces a feeling state.
Randi: What a great explanation. You use the word “love” a lot. I understand that concept, but you know, when I work with people who have gone through narcissistic abuse and other kinds of domestic abuse, whether in childhood or adulthood or both, that concept of love is very skewed. And it takes me a couple sessions with people to really get them to understand what love is including self love. So I wanted to see if maybe you could explain that in a way that maybe I haven’t been able to.
Kevin: Well you said the key; self love. Everything starts with self love. And if you go back to what I was saying there is only light there is no darkness because darkness cannot exist without light. There is only love and the absence of love which we call fear. And so self love is the most important thing it starts with waking up in the morning and it starts with loving yourself. We can look at it from a spiritual standpoint but we can also look at is from a standpoint. Sometimes people have an easier understanding when you speak in science terms as opposed to spiritual terms because spiritual, “oh yeah, that’s a bunch of malarkey.” But let’s shift it for a second to a science perspective. And we know because the studies of Epigenetics and Neuroplasticity and things where science is now explaining things that have happened in the past. Like Epignentics says that the environment signals our genes. And the environment can be an external environment or it can be an internal environment, and internally there is no more powerful force for the environment; the environment of love within your body does miraculous things. It’s those loving thoughts-the combination of your thoughts plus love, and we’ll call them loving thoughts, activate genes that suppress tumors and cancer and just have these incredible healing mechanisms. And meanwhile, thoughts that you mix with fear produce stress, let’s call it if it goes in the future room, and that signals the genes to produce cortisol which causes disease in the body. So the environment that you create within yourself, and forget about everything you see and hear and touch when you get out into the world, when you wake up in the morning and how you start your day, if you feel love in your heart you are already starting to signal and activate genes that produce all kinds of incredible proteins in your body. And if you start to change and look out, and start to think about what you need to do that day and that “I’m never going to be able to do this and all these other things, you’re simply mixing it with fear and you are changing the biology of your body. So that love, what it is is consciousness that permeates everything; it’s all about love and you can have anything in your life. And we can talk about how we create our experience of life and we do. We create what we experience. And people don’t buy that. They say it’s that person’s fault and I am the way I am because of them. No you are the way you are because of you; because of what you’re thinking and the lens through which you are observing it.